Search results for ‘dear me’
January 18, 2012 - Dear Me
Dear Me . (Written November, 2011)
There is a book that poses the question … if you could write a letter to your 16 year old self, what would you say? Having experienced bullying, abuse and traumatic life experiences that left me feeling life was too unbearable to continue on, that letter might read something like this …..
You’ll get through this. You’ll survive way beyond things you believed you couldn’t. And there will be many more times when you can’t bear the thought of living another day. Another moment.
But know that it is but a moment. A moment in which you have only this desperate thought and sense of hopelessness. Moments come – and moments pass. Tomorrow may not feel a whole lot better but it can be a starting point – not the end. ‘You Can Do Anything’ video. ‘Tread Carefully In Mind’.
Links to Support.
You’ll need to take some seemingly impossible steps. Every day. Day in. Day out. And you’ll need to keep working towards change and creating a place, a life, you feel more comfortable and less despairing in. Find something that provides a sense of purpose and meaning. And you don’t necessarily have to know exactly where or what that will be. You just need to maintain the drive and determination to find it. Trusting – despite being hurt by trusting before.
And you’ll have some massive spills along the way that will lay you flat for varying lengths of time – but you’ll get up. Eventually. Every time. You’ll get up. You must. And you’ll go another round so you can at the very least, prove to yourself you can. Your weakest point will be to rely on someone else to do this work for you…
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(Nick Cave, The Red Hand Files.)
How do I know I’m on the right path?
Dear Lottie,
Look around you. If there are others all moving in the same direction, and they look like you, and they move like you, and they all like the same things, and they hate the same things, and they are angry about the same things, and they are screaming about the same things, chances are you are on the wrong path.
If you turn and veer onto a different path, even though these people who all think the same thoughts, and say the same things, and behave the same way, may look at you, and may scoff at you and may even threaten you, carry on — as uncertain and crooked as the path may be. Keep moving, because though this path may not be the easiest path, or even the best path, it will be the most interesting, the most instructive, even the most enlightened path. It is your path, where you get to be who you want to be, say what you want to say, and love what you want to love — your path — and you can take much comfort from that, because you may be the one who shudders, you may be the one who spins and glows, you may be the one who shines, you may even be the one who bursts into flames, but even still, there you are and all along you go — your path, your path.
Love, Nick
(See previous post from The Red Hand Files here.)
Bush Telegraph .
Something is coming… This time, not giant fingers of flame. Or swirling clouds carrying fire not rain. It is the Kookaburra laughing in the face of times so tough. The Roo springing back through broken bushes with pouches full of seeds to sew . Koalas feasting on dripping leaves, hugging branches now long cooled. Galahs that squawk and grumble lining new-found homes with feathers soft for a brand new life to hatch. The Eagle that soars close steering fear filled eyes to a sky now not of flame – but hope. And a time once held so terrible still is moved by the rumbling march of close and distant friends. Spring invites the tears to flow into blackened soils that grow a new beginning.
Footnote: Written in response to the Victoria bush fires in February 2009.
(Clunk & Jam book)
(Reposted from 2008). You will Find Relief here.
Everyone Has Dark Times – A Personal Story…
In relation to the diagnosis of ‘depression’ and the feeling of being ‘depressed’ … I’m uncertain how much of what I’m experiencing are normal feelings and how much is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain? How much of how I’m feeling and experiencing is influenced by past trauma and bad experiences. Circumstance and environment? Belief and perception?While having a diagnosis of depression, anxiety disorder, PTSD and other conditions of mind can help make sense of things and provide a guide for treatment and medication (if necessary). Giving it significance beyond that can further darken our world. It can lead to the perception that, ‘something is wrong with us’. A perception by ourselves and others that we’re weak or flawed. And it can be the entry point into the isolation of social stigma and shame associated with ‘mental illness’.
(Art Harley Manifold, original in colour).
It has been helpful to separate myself from the diagnosis. To work out not, ‘what is wrong with me’, but ‘what’s not right’?
What remains are giant and often unmanageable feelings. A cocktail of emotion. Anger and rage in the mix with sadness, hopelessness and despair. Fear. Panic without a cause. Sensitivity or intolerance to light, noise, stress – people. The world around me. Places I can no longer go. Unrelenting critical head talk. Crippling self doubt. Dominant dark thoughts. Sometimes unbearably intense – other times, blunted. A feeling of nothing.
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Art by Philip Guston (Original in Colour). Story from The Red Hand Files by Nick Cave.
Following the last few years I’m feeling empty and more cynical than ever. I’m losing faith in other people, and I’m scared to pass these feelings to my little son. Do you still believe in Us (human beings)?
“Hopefulness is the warrior emotion that can lay waste to cynicism. Each redemptive or loving act, as small as you like, Valerio, such as reading to your little boy, or showing him a thing you love, or singing him a song, or putting on his shoes, keeps the devil down in the hole. It says the world and its inhabitants have value and are worth defending. It says the world is worth believing in. In time, we come to find that it is so.” Full response ….
Dear Valerio,
You are right to be worried about your growing feelings of cynicism and you need to take action to protect yourself and those around you, especially your child. Cynicism is not a neutral position — and although it asks almost nothing of us, it is highly infectious and unbelievably destructive. In my view, it is the most common and easy of evils.
I know this because much of my early life was spent holding the world and the people in it in contempt. It was a position both seductive and indulgent. The truth is, I was young and had no idea what was coming down the line. I lacked the knowledge, the foresight, the self-awareness. I just didn’t know. It took a devastation to teach me the preciousness of life and the essential goodness of people. It took a devastation to reveal the precariousness of the world, of its very soul, to understand that it was crying out for help. It took a devastation to understand the idea of mortal value, and it took a devastation to find hope.
Unlike cynicism, hopefulness is hard-earned, makes demands upon us, and can often feel like the most indefensible and lonely place on Earth. Hopefulness is not a neutral position either. It is adversarial. It is the warrior emotion that can lay waste to cynicism. Each redemptive or loving act, as small as you like, Valerio, such as reading to your little boy, or showing him a thing you love, or singing him a song, or putting on his shoes, keeps the devil down in the hole. It says the world and its inhabitants have value and are worth defending. It says the world is worth believing in. In time, we come to find that it is so.
Love, Nick
An answer from, Nick Cave, The Red Hand Files …
My question is about how you perceive the utility of suffering. What is the value of suffering to us as individuals, and to us as a species …
Nick Cave in Yorkstrabe, West Berlin, 1985. Photograph by Bleddyn Butcher.
Dear Peter,
What do we do with suffering? As far as I can see, we have two choices—we either transform our suffering into something else, or we hold on to it, and eventually pass it on.
In order to transform our pain, we must acknowledge that all people suffer. By understanding that suffering is the universal unifying force, we can see people more compassionately, and this goes some way toward helping us forgive the world and ourselves. By acting compassionately we reduce the world’s net suffering, and defiantly rehabilitate the world. It is an alchemical act that transforms pain into beauty. This is good. This is beautiful.
To not transform our suffering and instead transmit our pain to others, in the form of abuse, torture, hatred, misanthropy, cynicism, blaming and victimhood, compounds the world’s suffering. Most sin is simply one person’s suffering passed on to another. This is not good. This is not beautiful.
The utility of suffering, then, is the opportunity it affords us to become better human beings. It is the engine of our redemption.
Love, Nick
