Army of ink I Want To Get Off

 

DIARIES bike

STOP!  I want to get off! 

Sometimes I go around and around and around – just in case I’ve missed something.  This little girl was caught in a spin, going faster and faster fearing those waiting would lose faith in her ever finding her way.  But when she did finally get to where she was going, she realised it was she who needed the lift.  This discovery released her from the endlessness of the spin that nearly drove her mad and put the brakes on her frantic drive to continually deliver.

Footnote: When I was a little girl I used to ride this bike around and around and around the courtyard, picking up dolls and teddies from bus stops.  This ink for me is about that obsessiveness that drives us to be constantly doing – and how difficult it can be to STOP.  It’s also about being chased by anxiety and fear.   Thinking that if we just keep going and doing, feelings won’t catch us.  Sitting still can be a very, very hard thing to do.  To STOP.  It’s also about obsessive compulsive disorder – the endlessness and drain of it.  This ink offers me a number of options.  1.   I  imagine I’m sitting in the back seat.  I’ve STOPPED even though she’s still spinning.   2.    I’m sitting at the bus stop,  waving her on through – not getting caught up in the spin.   3.  She answers her own call – “STOP!  I want to get off!” and parks the bike up for a while to refuel and restore her worn out self.   Mastering the art of stopping, sitting still, feeling and controlling fear and anxiety is much like learning to ride a bike.   We  learn only by doing  it over and over again, practicing day in day out, feeling the hurt of grazed palms and knees and dusting ourselves off and having another go.  And/or asking someone to help – which is a bit like popping the trainer wheels on.   Must STOP now but please pass her on …