Army of Ink Little Me

army of ink  little me

Place for little me …

Personal footnote:  I’m not sure growing up is so much about leaving the child behind and becoming something else – like a teenager or an adult.  I think our ‘little me’ is always part of who we are.  Always going to be around in us – somewhere.  But if you’ve had bad things happen to you when you were little, ‘little me’ takes up a lot more space – leaving little room for play.  For a long time I tried to leave behind ‘little me’ because I didn’t like who it was, how it felt.  I tried poking it somewhere out of the way.  Hiding it – hiding from it.  I put it in a dark cupboard but it got so full its doors kept bursting open and going “BOO!!!”  Then I’d have to start all over again.  Pushing harder against the doors to make them stay shut.  Keeping the cupboard shut became my life. 

The struggle between me and ‘little me’.  I had to hold my breath for a very long time, in case the “BOO!!!” showed up.  I was frozen in my breath.

And I think that’s why the inky little girls arrived on my page.  They’re like lots of ‘little mes’.  They’ve become the keepers of all those things that once lived in the cupboard.  And they’re strong you know.  Really strong.  Strong enough to keep hold of all those things that happened to ‘little me’.  Strong enough so that I can step away from the cupboard – and play.  I’m not sure I’ll ever be completely safe from the “BOO!!!” but at least I’m not alone in it.  And when it does show up unexpectedly, I now have my little inky friends to help me catch my breath again.  Like, “Phew!  I actually got through that.”