Begs a BOy question … Why are bear hugs, group hugs, butt slapping, tears and kisses acceptable (applauded even) on footy fields and in sporting arenas, yet in school yards, work places, and often the homes of growing lads, it’s often viewed as a sign of immaturity, weakness or ‘gayness’ – inviting tags such as ‘Mummy’s BOy’? A BOy’s rite of passage can be a lonely place.
(Boy Series, Clunk & Jam book, 2019)
BOy culture seems to load lads up – sometimes, with more than BOy can bear. And if BOy can’t bear it – saying so isn’t an encouraged option, because BOy is supposed to be tough – right? Or maybe it’s BOy culture that’s wrong? Maybe BOy should be valued for his sensitivity, honesty, authenticity, difference and ability to grow and evolve beyond the confines of BOy stereotyping – rather than his worth being measured by size, strength, toughness and how much he can do?
A n I n c h .
It is my integrity that is important.
Is that so selfish?
It sells for so little,
but it’s all we have left in this place.
It is the very last inch of us,
but within that inch
we are free.
(Words by Alan Moore.)
Matilda Musical. Music by Tim Minchin.
Just because you find that life’s not fair, it
Doesn’t mean that you just have to grin and bear it.
If you always take it on the chin and wear it, nothing will change.
Just because I find myself in this story,
It doesn’t mean that everything is written for me.
If I think the ending is fixed already,
I might as well be saying I think that it’s OK,
And that’s not right!
You have to put it right!
In the slip of a bolt, there’s a tiny revolt.
The seeds of a war in the creak of a floorboard.
A storm can begin, with the flap of a wing.
The tiniest mite packs the mightiest sting!
Every day, starts with the tick of a clock.
All escapes, starts with the click of a lock!
If you’re stuck in your story and want to get out
You don’t have to cry, you don’t have to shout!
‘Cause if you’re little you can do a lot, you
Mustn’t let a little thing like, ‘little’ stop you
If you sit around and let them get on top, you
Won’t change a thing!
Just because you find that life’s not fair, it
Doesn’t mean that you just have to grin and bear it!
If you always take it on the chin and wear it
You might as well be saying
You think that it’s ok
And that’s not right!
And if it’s not right!
You have to put it right!
But nobody else it gonna put it right for me!
Nobody but me is going to change my story!
Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty!
BOy is often told; “You know what you’ve got coming to ya!” But when BOy doesn’t. When BOy gets it wrong. Does it make what he got – right? And why should BOy have to be brave in the face of the cowardly acts of others? Why does he think he should be able to get there in time to change the course of bad things? Will he remain forever frozen on the edge of anticipation? Will there come a time when it’s safe for BOy to say “I don’t know?” When BOy is encouraged to feel and react to his own emotions and pain? When he can warmly and sensitively console another – BOy? Say ‘yes – it hurts’ and ‘no – that’s wrong’ ? To thaw and skip like stones beyond his tightly bound existence?
Tim Minchin, written for the musical ‘Matilda’
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
(Carl Jung)
