It was a hold your nose situation.
Like getting out of bed in the morning … making a long put off phone call … taking the next step … or a difiicult one … venturing into unknown or familiar but rather not go places … facing a lurking fear … a dreaded occasion … but always, always well prepared for the consequences of her actions … or that which might be thrust upon her by those both, unexpected … and expected that could happen at any undesignated moment in time. This made her relatively secure in the knowledge of all subsequent happenings. Phew. No wonder her head was spinning.
Go Play On The Swings .
The want to ride way up high reveals much less. A moment in the middle that can’t be held. A view from above stolen from beneath. I go PLONK. Caught by the place where soles meet soil. Much nicer than hanging by a longing for a lift.
This little soldier had a history of plonks. Each time she played with someone she’d end up getting hurt, which left her wondering if she’d be better off never playing with anyone again. One day, dumped in yet another plonk, too weary to bound from the stillness that forever taunted her, she sat. And she sat. And she sat. It was in the sitting that she began to wonder if maybe her escape from the plonk would not come from never trusting again. Maybe the answer lay in trusting herself. Or perhaps playing only the games that held a balance. And knowing when it was time to go home before it got too dark.
(Reposted from 2012. Originally from handmade book, ‘Rock The Boat’, handwriting by Mags. Now in Clunk & Jam book, 2019)
Me Jane .
Dangling in a moment of vulnerability, out of her jungle mind came a thought…3 thoughts actually…Could she make it without the BOy? Did she have to take such a wild and dangerously dependent leap—after all? And was it really that difficult and frightening to just let go?
This swinging ink has layer upon layer of meaning to sit and wonder about—like…. Is she really swinging up high or is this a trick? Is her foot in fact, firmly planted on the ground? Is she clinging for her life at the mercy of the rope (or the BOy), or has she taken a firm grip to put a stop all this swinging business? And what is this swinging business about anyway? Which way is she going? Back? Forward? Nowhere right now? Or has she finally landed in her very own spot? Is the rope attached? Is it all about to uncoil leaving her in a heap? Or is it going to lift her up, whoosh her away from whatever it is she’s so afraid of right now? To be continued no doubt …..
Some things just had to go.
Dump, dump, dump she did, with all the self defeating, nasty little habits she’d hoarded over time. It was time to take the hanky firmly by a thread and with pedal planted nicely under foot, claim herself a hanky free place where she would no longer need to rely on being picked. She also trashed the motion of skipping in dizzy circles to get to where she ‘d convinced herself she needed to be. Now, a short distance beyond the clean-up, she sits to catch the slowing of her breath – reviving her tired little shoes and socks. And puff went the world.
(Reposted from 2011. Find her in Clunk & Jam book 2019.)
Place for little me …
Personal footnote: Growing up is not so much about leaving the ‘little me’ behind and becoming something else – like a teenager or an adult. Our ‘little me’ is always part of who we are. Always going to be around in us – somewhere. But if you’ve had bad things happen to you when you were little, ‘little me’ it takes up a lot more space – leaving little room for play. The Army of Ink are perhaps the ‘little mes’, taking form. Coming back to life and playing on the page. And they’re really strong. Strong enough to keep hold of all those things that might have happened to ‘little me’.
Blow the Man Down .
Round and round the racecourse, my finger beat you there. You mustn’t laugh, you mustn’t cry, or tell little girls, “There, there.” Take one step out and two steps down to a place you cannot stand. For it was you, you naughty boy who tried to steal my hand.
The trick is to find a place where size doesn’t matter, nobody can touch the bottom and everyone can reach.
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