Sometimes you have to find a way of separating the badness from your self .
There are so many of us who have been given a bad apple. It is the worst thing in the world to receive. Just like having a bad apple in your bag, it rots – eventually ruining everything. This little soldier has a story about ‘outing’ bad apples – and rising from the ruin …..
… Someone put a bad apple in her bag once, and although she was sure people could tell something was wrong, she didn’t show anyone the apple because it was so bad – and she worried it would make them feel bad too.
The little girl’s greatest fear became that if she ever took the bad apple out, or someone discovered it, they wouldn’t want her anymore. They’d think she was bad. She forever longed for someone to get rid of the bad apples for her.
On most days, she wished the bad apples had been put in someone else’s bag.
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‘Why Have Our Children Stopped Dancing’….
Reposting this article which was written in 2007 reflecting on a presentation I gave at CAYPAKS (Children and Young People and Key Stakeholders) Convention, and Eating Disorder Prevention and Treatment Conference (2008), titled ‘Why Have Our Children Stopped Dancing’.
Now, 13 years on, particularly in COVID times, it seems even more relevant …
Imagine…..what if we could wave a magic wand to help young people feel better about themselves what would that world look like? Dr Who and his time machine, the Tardis, immediately came to mind. I wondered whether I’d choose to travel into the future or past in search of a place that nurtured the growth of children?
With the good old days in mind, I ventured down memory lane . . . It was a time before automation, technology and mass media had stolen children’s creativity, curiosity and the opportunity for them to build a bank of experiences that develop character, strength and resilience—give life purpose and meaning. A culture where the qualities of kindness, innovation, creativity, community involvement, authenticity, and a social and environmental conscience were considered as valuable, if not more so, as a university degree and a six figure salary.
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(Art Harley Manifold, Original in colour)
A strange phenomenon… on Youth Focus camps, spending time with young people – one thing always comes through strongly. 20-25 young individuals arrive to spend a weekend together and often there’s only one thing they have in common – they’re all different. That ‘difference’ too, seems to be the carrier of loneliness, the feeling of disconnection and lack of sense of place in the world. But, over the space of a weekend, that very difference is what unites and strengthens them.
Why? Because, unlike the world outside the camp environment, difference is valued and accepted there. So it’s safe to reveal their true selves, however strange, weird and unacceptable that might be to the outside world. And they are safe also to try on new ways of being without judgement and criticism. And it always makes you wonder … what if being different meant you’d never be alone again…. What if society valued and appreciated difference as opposed to casting aside those who don’t fit the mould.
What if individual flags were flown in the face of the ‘one size fits all’ (we all know it doesn’t). Wouldn’t the world be a far more interesting (and safer) place to be.
Similar posts: Toast To Differences; Good Difference; Difference Matters
The Fringe
What’s with all the smiley faces – things are not really that great.
The one thing she disliked most was false optimism 🙂 And it was making its mark everywhere, particularly in emails and text messages 🙂 Sometimes people even shouted happiness :)!!! But was all this just a disguise? Were people really that happy :/ She sensed the world increasingly turning away from those who weren’t feeling all that happy right now 🙁 Opting for the pretense of living fairy tale lives:) That made her feel sad. 🙁 As did the effect of so many colons and wrong way brackets consuming a perfectly good language.
See this Rose who is free from the labor of smiling. This Rose about dealing with all matters of the emotional kind. This Rose is curious about the origin of sadness.
(Clunk & Jam book 2019)
Even a smacked bottom deserves a seat .
Footnote: We all start out worthy little humans. Deserving of love and care – and our own special seat. But sometimes things go wrong. Don’t go to plan. You make mistakes. Maybe you don’t turn out like you thought you would. Or how others thought you would. Sometimes other people treat you badly. And it’s catchy because you end up treating yourself badly too.
And then this little girl taps you gently on the shoulder and sits you back down in your goodness. And with this kind gesture, you are reminded of the worthy little human you started out as. And so you put the brakes on all the punishing , beating yourself up business. And reintroduce that little human to the love and care that is, and always has been, most definitely deserved.
(Clunk & Jam book 2019).
She’s no damsel in distress – in her upside down clown dress.
Nothing seemed to fit. Having tried on so many ways of being herself, she finally reached the exhausting conclusion that maybe all the things she was trying on were just way too big for her. And maybe she’d just have to tailor make her own little world where she could be her entirely unique, odd and small, good self.
Clunk & Jam Book.
